I recently have gone through the incredibly repetitive tradition of becoming a year older. This process is so frustrating to me not because I don't want to get older, or even that I magically feel a year older as soon as that day comes. What is so frustrating about it is everybody else seems infinitely more interested in my birthday than I myself am.
I am human, so to say I don't enjoy the attention would be ridiculous, however I can't help but feel guilty at the same time. These people are spending so much attention and good intentions on me - what a waste. Perhaps I should care more, but I simply can't.
I am the youngest of four children, with about 7 or 8 years between me and my oldest sibling. I grew up around conversations and interactions that were always more mature than myself. I wouldn't say this was harmful to my development, just unique.
Due to my inability to participate in these conversations and interactions I would do my best to "juvenile" things up a bit. This usually meant making jokes. As a result I never feel as old as the calendar says I am, and am forced to not take myself seriously. If I started taking myself seriously I'm not sure I could survive, I've never been able to operate that way.
This is the only explanation I could come up with to explain my odd, and to some, embarrassing behaviors. As well as my lax disposition to the celebration of my being. I hope this cleared things up for some people who have experienced (read: been victimized) by my happenstance placement in the family tree.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
POP!
I'm not really sure who would care enough to read my blog with any regularity. I will not be posting any pictures of a child so I have automatically lost the interest of who likely would be my most frequent visitor (sorry Mom). I'm not a producer on a popular television show that would allow me to give you all of this sweet inside information, nor am I an expert in anything besides myself.
That being said I guess a little background would be helpful. I've been studying me for almost 24 years now and some years have had greater discoveries than others. The recognition of a distinct difference between boys and girls was the first significant discovery I remember, only to be trumped by how much more different I was than previously assumed.
About a year ago I accepted an understudy to me. She follows me everywhere, sleeps in the same bed, sometimes even wears my t-shirts, and I have a sneaking suspicion she will use my deodorant on occasion. I suspect this is to gain a better understanding of me, but i can not be sure. Every time I bring it up she adamantly denies it.
During her probationary period, before being accepted into the program, she would frequently place her mouth on mine. Like an infant interacting with objects in front of them, like a ball, or their own foot. She was quite good at this and ultimately was a strong influencer in her acceptance.
She is incredibly mysterious, and seems to have no consistency to her motivations. Perhaps there are but I have yet to find them. I hope one day to understand her but recently have discovered this may be more of a challenge than I knew.
That being said I guess a little background would be helpful. I've been studying me for almost 24 years now and some years have had greater discoveries than others. The recognition of a distinct difference between boys and girls was the first significant discovery I remember, only to be trumped by how much more different I was than previously assumed.
About a year ago I accepted an understudy to me. She follows me everywhere, sleeps in the same bed, sometimes even wears my t-shirts, and I have a sneaking suspicion she will use my deodorant on occasion. I suspect this is to gain a better understanding of me, but i can not be sure. Every time I bring it up she adamantly denies it.
During her probationary period, before being accepted into the program, she would frequently place her mouth on mine. Like an infant interacting with objects in front of them, like a ball, or their own foot. She was quite good at this and ultimately was a strong influencer in her acceptance.
She is incredibly mysterious, and seems to have no consistency to her motivations. Perhaps there are but I have yet to find them. I hope one day to understand her but recently have discovered this may be more of a challenge than I knew.
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