Birthday Post

I recently have gone through the incredibly repetitive tradition of becoming a year older. This process is so frustrating to me not because I don't want to get older, or even that I magically feel a year older as soon as that day comes. What is so frustrating about it is everybody else seems infinitely more interested in my birthday than I myself am.

I am human, so to say I don't enjoy the attention would be ridiculous, however I can't help but feel guilty at the same time. These people are spending so much attention and good intentions on me - what a waste. Perhaps I should care more, but I simply can't.

I am the youngest of four children, with about 7 or 8 years between me and my oldest sibling. I grew up around conversations and interactions that were always more mature than myself. I wouldn't say this was harmful to my development, just unique.

Due to my inability to participate in these conversations and interactions I would do my best to "juvenile" things up a bit. This usually meant making jokes. As a result I never feel as old as the calendar says I am, and am forced to not take myself seriously. If I started taking myself seriously I'm not sure I could survive, I've never been able to operate that way.

This is the only explanation I could come up with to explain my odd, and to some, embarrassing behaviors. As well as my lax disposition to the celebration of my being. I hope this cleared things up for some people who have experienced (read: been victimized) by my happenstance placement in the family tree.