Sun Burns Are Nothing to Laugh at...

But the lines it leaves behind are. My Wife got sunburned pretty bad on Saturday. What makes this even more spectacular is that I (who can get a sunburn in the dead of night!), did not get sunburned. Mostly due to the three layers of SPF 50 I applied. I wanted to take a picture of her sunburn but her reception of my request was surprisingly very negative. I upped the ante and offered to do the dishes in turn for the picture. This offer was so poorly received that I ended up doing the dishes anyways. So instead I give you the picture below. Disturbing? Yes. Do I chuckle a little bit when I look at it? You betcha! Three reasons...

1. Was there anybody in this Woman's life who saw what was going on and tried to help her. I can't help but wonder if they have interventions for this sort of thing. This isn't something that happens over night. There are warning signs like applying SPF 4, or taking a vacation to Alaska in the winter and returning with a tan.

2. This picture shows that the best sunscreen protection available is clothes. If you want to take this image a step further I'm willing to bet that woman doesn't have a tan line on her which means it is more than likely some people have seen that walking around a beach naked. YUCK!

3. It would be interesting to see if you could make a wallet or maybe even some boots out of that skin. That was very "Buffalo Bill" of me but seriously It puts the lotion on its skin...please

Best of Craigslist

The following was a post published on Craigslist. No joke there is an entire website dedicated to the best of Craigslist (Google it), some are vulgar and sad while others like this one are humorous, while all in some way represent how pathetic some person's in our culture have become.

I've been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I'm 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But somethings missing. I feel like I'm old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again. An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis. I'm willing to pay $350 up front for you services as an arch enemy over the next six months. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when Im running to catch the BART and occasionaly whisper in my ear, "Ahha, we meet again". That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconsicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.

British accent preferred.

Had this been posted in Portland, and had I seen it I would have done it for free. If anybody is looking for a nemesis contact me and we will discuss the particulars. I am a professional at doing the small nagging things. My best references are my Uncle Dan, and my Uncle Mike. Just the other day I had Mike wishing he stayed in Tennessee! MuHaHaHa!

Bacon is King!

For the 4th of July my wonderful wife and I went to her parents house and grilled some beef/veggie burgers. Jess, my wife, is always trying out new recipes, usually they do not involve meat, in fact they usually involve humus, prunes, and soy. Before I go further I should mention my wife is in no way a vegetarian/vegan because she is opposed to eating animals. She has dietary restrictions that do not allow her to eat dairy or most meats besides chicken and fish if prepared properly. She has given up so many foods that I would never be able to do it is absolutely incredible.

Anyways She made this bean dip, and included a few strips of bacon in the recipe. Not turkey bacon, or fakin bacon, real 100% artery clogging, enlightenment inducing bacon. This is an occasion in our household that is worthy of a parade. Alisa, Jess' sister, invited a couple of friends with her. One of her friends name was Allison, she was really enjoying the bean dip. After taking a few sizable portions of the dip she made a comment to Jess.

"This dip is so good! I love it!"

"Thank you. Its a new recipe I was worried it wouldn't come out right." my wife politely retorted.

Allison took another bite of a chip with a dollop of dip on it "What is in it?"

As soon as the questions was asked another one of Alisa's friends perked up and began to motion to Jess to not say anything.

Jess reluctantly began listing the ingredients while Alisa's friend continued to vigorously wave her off. After listing a couple ingredients Jess asked the question she feared to be true.

"Are you a vegetarian?"

"Yes." Allison covered her mouth and became concerned. "Is there meat in this?"

Jess hesitantly replied, "There is a little bit of bacon."

Allison was a good sport about it. She admitted that must have been why it tasted so good. This just represents the power that bacon has. She had been a vegetarian for 20 years and even now bacon makes her weak in the knees. Respect the bacon, cause even when you think you are safe from its temptations if will rock your world. Vegetarians: 0 Bacon:1