Peanut Butter Update

A little update regarding my frustration with JIF and Skippy and their blatant disregard for sensible use of adjectives in the quantifying of the crunchiness of their product. For those of you who missed it I found myself frustrated because plain crunchy peanut butter doesn't exist. They go from creamy to extra crunchy!

After numerous letters to the offenders and polite responses trying to validate their ineptitude I decided to take matters into my own hands.

So over the weekend I went into Winco to pick up some peanuts so I could make my own peanut butter. As I went to enter the line to pay a man in a nice business suit swooped in front of me and cut me off. Nobody can say no to a bargain. His cart is pretty full and all I have is my bag of peanuts and a dream of just crunchy peanut butter. The following is the dialogue that took place.

Me: excuse me sir? Would you mind if I went ahead of you? I just have these peanuts.

We'll pretend his name was Richard; definitely was a Richard.

Richard: Sorry buddy you've gotta wait like everybody else.

Me: Really man it would honestly take 30 seconds to a minute.

Richard: Sorry man, guess you're out of luck.

At this point I was ready to take things to another level. After looking at the lady behind me in line with a disgusted look on her face shoot daggers at him with her eyes I decided to just be patient and leave it be.

I was certainly still agitated and as he emptied his cart I fought to control my frustration as he placed his items on the conveyor belt he felt it necessary to not let any item get within six inches of another. The result was a poorly packed conveyor belt. I figured that my frustration with this was coming from his refusal to let me go in front of him so I looked at the floor and took a deep breath.

When I lifted my head again the mans wife was joining him. I looked at her face just in time to see a flood of disappointment wash over her face. We'll call her Justine.

Justine: What the he'll are you doing?

Richard: what do you mean?

Justine: are the canned beans fighting with the chowder? This is one of the least considerate things you can do in a grocery line. I can't believe anyone is that clueless.

Richard: what did I do wrong?

Justine: there are people behind you who need to put stuff on it also.

She turned and pointed to the line behind. She looked in my hand and I watched her face again. The puddle of disappointment on her face dried up to make way for the stream of anger.

Justine: is that all you have?

Me: Uh yah.

Justine: He has one item, you should have let him go in front of you.

I was interested to watch this take its course. I knew full well where it would once I said what I said, but I couldn't help myself

Me: I actually asked if I could but was told that I was out of luck.

Lady behind me: He did ask

I didn't feel an ally would be necessary in order to escalate things, but when the lady behind me chimed in I was so happy. Without it things never would have gone where they did. What made her participation even better was that she was about 65 years old. The stream of anger was over taken by a river of rage! She turned and swung as hard as she could slapping him in the back.

Justine: You are a monumental idiot! It is one freaking item, it would have taken him 30 seconds to get through the line.

I so badly wanted exclaim that I had said that as well.

Lady behind me: he said that too!

This lady behind me was a pro, it felt like she knew exactly what she was doing. Just laying in the grass waiting for those moments of silence and adding just little drops of gasoline on the fire.

Justine: I can not believe you! This is probably one of the smallest sacrifices you would ever have to make and even when the logical reasons of why its a good idea are explained to you, you're still to selfish to do it. UNBELIEVABLE!

I never could have imagined it being this good. I turned to look at the woman behind me who at this point was bright red, and bouncing uncontrollably with giggles; covering her mouth to muffle the sounds as best she could.

Richard: I'm sorr...

Justine: Just go bag the groceries. You've wasted enough of every bodies time today.

Richard walked to go begin bagging the groceries, completely emasculated with his head hung low. If you've ever seen a freshly neutered dog then you've seen this scene. Justine turned towards me,

Justine: I'm sorry about that. He gets in these selfish modes and cops an attitude and I told him next time he does it that I'm going to embarrass him. Lets hope he learned his lesson.

I nodded and accepted her apology and she left. I handed the cashier my peanuts and turned to look at the lady behind me in line.

Me: Did that just happen?

She was still laughing, so proud of the part she played.

So while that was probably the biggest tangent ever the point is I got peanuts, made peanut butter, its awesome, and I am calling it Wonder Boy's Just Crunchy Peanut Butter. So forget you JIF and Skippy you'll never see another dime from me! When it comes to my peanut butter I'm a DIYer!