Trapt in the Elevator

It's been a while since my last post. Things are getting busy at work for me, while at the same time my contract with Nike will be over at the end of the month. So while staying caught up with work I'm trying to fit as many informational interviews in my day as possible. This becomes even more difficult when you spend an hour-and-a-half of that time stuck in an elevator. This is exactly what happened to me on Tuesday.

Because of the large amount of shoes that I have to deliver on a daily basis I can't get them upstairs with the passenger elevators. Instead I get the privilege of unrestricted access to the freight elevator. This sounds super lame, but is coveted in some circles throughout the development team.

I found myself on the third floor, after delivering samples to the categories up there, on my way down to the second floor. The elevator suddenly dropped; not exactly a controlled drop either, more like a free fall for about four to six feet. The thing about elevators is that they are designed with the purpose of not making you feel like you're on an elevator. It is the goal of the designers for you to be unaware that you are moving vertically, so when you feel it as I felt it you it would be entirely appropriate for one to promptly defecate in their drawers.

After the second or so it took the elevator to do what the bowl of raisin bran had been unable to do up until that point, the emergency brakes kicked in. At that point all I could think about was that the only thing saving me from a three-and-a-half story fall to the basement was some metal locks I initially imagined to be quite hefty. After contemplating the emergency locks further I began to realize they were much more modest than I imagined, and that not everything can be made perfectly.

The terrifying realization of how it would only take one thing to go wrong in the process of putting the elevator together, or even in the production of the parts that made up the elevator, could end my life I began to plan in the event the elevator did go into a free fall. My brain, drunk on fear and adrenaline, told me that jumping on the stack of boxes filled with shoes would be my greatest chance for survival. In retrospect I should be embarrassed of ever letting fear take me this far away from reality, but I'm not. To be honest I am undeniably impressed with the fact that given my state I came up with an idea that, I still believe now, would have saved my life, or at the least a lot of pain from broken legs.

The best part of this story is the phone call to security. It went like this. (Joking aside this conversation needs no embellishments or exaggerations. This is as accurate as it can get!)

"Security, this is Robert."

"Robert, I could use your help. I'm stuck in the Mia Hamm Freight elevator."

"Stuck? How so."

I was curious as to how many other combinations of events there were that would cause me to be stuck in the elevator and still have the capacity to dial security.

"As in it stopped working while I was in it. I'm in between the second and third floor."

"Oh, well did you scan your access card, it won't work unless you scan your access card."

I was quickly becoming clear to me Robert wasn't too sharp.

"Yes Robert, I scanned my card. I scanned it and then the elevator fell 6 feet and stopped."

"Oh! Yah that isn't good."

The little blind faith I had in Robert, was gone by now. It was at this point I knew there would be an end ot this conversation where I found myself in disbelief.

"Much less so when you're in the elevator when it happens."

"Well I will dispatch a security guard and some maintenance guys to fix that and get you out."

"Thank you Robert."

At this point, I was on edge, and extremely aware of the intermittent creaks and ticks coming from the elevator. Anticipating the next one to be the straw that broke the camels back. I felt uneasy with the reliance I had on Robert to come through for me.

15-20 minutes pass without any movement or word from security or maintenance. This is concerning because the security office is 3-and-a-half floors below me; it should have taken 2 minutes tops! Reluctantly I called Robert again.

"Robert, can I get an ETA on that dispatch?"

"Oh yah, they fixed it you can get out now."

Was he being serious?

"Uh, no they didn't."

"Yah, they went over there called the freight elevator and it came down and opened up just fine."

Robert's incredible ineptitude was becoming less and less surprising.

"Then why am I still stuck in here, calling you on the elevator's emergency phone?"

"I don't know, that is kind of confusing"

Unbelievable!

"Lets start over Robert. I'm trapped in the Mia Hamm freight elevator between the third and second floors."

"Oh Mia Hamm?....."

I cringed. I could hear his next words before he could say them.

".....I sent them over to Tiger Woods;....."

This time I heard his words before he even knew he would speak them. Somehow when I first met Robert over that scratchy phone I knew our conversation would culminate to this...

".....that is probably why you're still stuck."

I threw my forehead into the palm of my hand.

"Probably."