Bad Dentist Experience

I have very bad memories of the dentists. I don't believe many people have positive memories, but mine go beyond dentists being careless. I once became so anxious and stressed about getting my teeth cleaned that I threw up...while getting my teeth cleaned...all over myself....and the lady cleaning my teeth. Served her right!

Today I went to get my teeth cleaned. Due to my anxiety over dentist appointments I had done little to arrange one for quite some time, but at the constant request of my wife I submitted. I had done well to forget about my appointment until the reminder call came on Monday.

I didn't have to wait long, shortly after sitting in the waiting area a large portly woman swung the door open and called my name. She was a dead ringer for Cathy Bates, "Misery" Cathy Bates not "Failure to Launch" Cathy Bates, only she was from Eastern Europe. her name was Eliana.

I saw "Misery" when I was a kid. My brother had rented it, and I watched it for some reason and I have since realized no child should have to see and try to make sense of a man getting his ankles broken with a sledge hammer. (Thanks Bro for looking out for me) Cathy Bates is freaking nuts! So you can understand my concern when I discovered she was my dentist.

She chatted me up as she was getting all of her instrumentation in order. She took the time to explain a few new instruments that I had never seen before, which began to put me at ease with her. As she cleaned my teeth she gradually turned into a gentle person who I trusted and felt completely comfortable with. She was telling me everything that she was doing, even though I couldn't talk back, or even understand her through her accent and mask at times.

She even apologized for getting a little rough and stabbing my gums causing them to bleed. I can't beign to tell you how many times a dentist has stabbed my gums and then exclaimed,

"Oh looks like you're bleeding there champ. You really should take better care of your gums."

If I stabbed them in the leg and they began to bleed would the logical thing to say be,

"Looks like you've got a pretty poorly maintained leg there pal. You should work on toughening that guy up a bit."

NO! It wouldn't, because that would be an unbelievably stupid thing to say; but I digress.

Eliana was just getting ready to do the final setp of my cleaning. When I heard her stomach grumble a bit. I didn't think much of it, if anything I was impressed by her focus, it didn't even phase her.

Shortly thereafter I heard what I initially thought to sound of someone passing wind. Though when it happened she showed zero signs of aknowledgement and after worrying about it for a few seconds I decided that it must have been the chair. Shortly after I heard it again, and felt that my final conclusion had been correct, that it was the chair.

Then it hit. It was faint at first, not too strong, but noticeable. I knew it was only going to get worse so I began to breath through my mouth. I watched her eyes for any kind of admission of guilt; nothing.

She was so nice and I had become so comfortable with her, and aparently her with me, that I tried not to make a big deal about it and continued to breath through my mouth for the next 5 minutes. Then it all went wrong; horribly, horribly, wrong!

"Could you please breath through your nose? You are fogging up my mirror." She asked politely.

I hesitated. I was terrified! All in a second I contemplated the consequences of non-compliance. Maybe she gets a little careless with the instrument cause she can't see? That is something I could live with. I even thought of telling her that my nose was stuffed up, but to really sell that I would have to change my voice; something that would have required a plan that went into action before I first spoke to her.

I slightly nodded my head and exhaled through my nose. Upon retreiving more air it became very clear that over the past 5 minutes she had not ceased in her flatulence and the overwhelming power of which this stentch had taken over the room was unbearable. If you lit a match in that room we would both be gonners.

One of the more impressive/distrurbing parts of this entire experience was that she didn't even flinch. She had no idea what she was doing to me, as far as she was concerned her gaseous expels smelled like a bed of roses. I'm sure all she smelled was that strong "medical" fumes from the mask that she wore.

Secondly, and even more impressive/distrurbing was that it wasn't even close to being the worst trip to the dentist. Not even top 5!

This is how bad going to the dentist has been for me!